Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
