Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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