You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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