I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
