Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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