Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
