in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
This toilet bowl is my home.
send nudes
from the living room?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
