does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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