Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
