just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
