This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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