can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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