:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
this just has baby written all over it
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
