I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
