I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
