The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
