I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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