I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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