It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
