He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
