There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
