so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My life is pants optional.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
