Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
