Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The air was thick with penises
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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