Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
