i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
