It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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