The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
