So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
