It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
where does the pee come out of this thing
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i believe in u and ur pee
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
