Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
