oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
