I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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