i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
