im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
