I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
