What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
sex in a hospital.. check
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
