you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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