I think i sorta joined a cult last night
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
