the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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