She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
