dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
