i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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