I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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