IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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