i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
