My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
