I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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