I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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