I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
