the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
