Little spoons don't ask big questions
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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