it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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