As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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