then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
