I heard we made out
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
