Got a toothbrush?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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