i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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