Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
