guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Green mimosas i think yes
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
