Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He kissed a someone with a penis
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
