How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We were destined to go to rehab together
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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